come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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