I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
