soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
