bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
