i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
