He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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