Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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