Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
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4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?