She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
