Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
