Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
