Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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