Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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