Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
