even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
