Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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