My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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