remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
