an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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