Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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