my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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