I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
