Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
