yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Who died my cat blue again?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
