i jhust puked up my retainher.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
