They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
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as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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