I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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