It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
