Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
