my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i love accidental penises.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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