Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He? As in you personified your dick?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
