you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
