I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
