somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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