I think my fart just growled at me.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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