Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
two words: eviction party
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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