Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
