This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
