There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
