i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
