I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
