if only i could text you this smell
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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