CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
