so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
His hands were made for my vagina.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
