haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
