I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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