I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
two words...techno handjob
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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