Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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