Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
