I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
