Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
