i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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