she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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