Dude my mom stole all your condoms
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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