if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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