guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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