I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
