Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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