May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
