Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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