She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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