I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
