Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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