she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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