just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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