That's when you crack a 10am beer
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
