I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
