I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Help. Why am I so naked?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
