i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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