It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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