Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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